[I] may be crazy but I'm the closest thing I have to a voice of reason.

06 March 2010

Are you a freaky girl?

Well, crap. When I started out, I described tonight’s blog as “adult material dealt with in an adult manner: direct, explicit, no holds barred and no punches pulled.” Sounds juicy, no? Well, no, as it turns out. The original piece is 4000 words, give or take. My usual posts run 700 to 800 words with occasional forays into the thousand-word range. That’s a lot for a blog. I don’t want to lose you, oh dear readers of mine, so I tried dividing this piece and... let’s just say it loses momentum.

What I have right now is 1100 words of dialog and a headache. And quite possibly a freak show. I have no idea why I thought you’d find this conversation interesting; titillating, yes, but that wasn’t supposed to be the point.

What follows is a transcript of a conversation I had this afternoon. Ultimately, it becomes a dialog between a man and a woman about fantasies and what frustrates each sex about the other, but that’s a ways down the line. So consider tonight’s chapter of MyZeroBDayBlog the back-story to something surprising. My friend hails from Peking Illinois, or so he says ^_~ so I’ll be calling him Peeking Thomas because I allow him to peek into my life and he allows me to peek into his. Nothing is off limits. Our friendship is that amazing. And no, he is not a sexual partner. ~sigh~ Again with porn thoughts. People, I am a trained literary essayist.

PEEKING THOMAS - We ended up back at my place sucking and fucking. I had my friend O with us and M fucked her well.
ME - ~listening ~
PEEKING THOMAS - Then Friday I got to live out my fantasy of serving at a party of all women. Well lucky me, all the women that came to my party are bi. I invited O and M to the party. Oh my, lots of naked chubby girls fucking each other. I had to quiet them down a couple of times. You know its really very hot seeing 6 naked women kissing and fucking each other.
ME - lol. You just died and went to heaven, didn't you?
PEEKING THOMAS - I am fortunate to have such wonderful friends
ME - Yes you are, my boy.
PEEKING THOMAS - Have you ever played that way Honey?
ME - It’s never been my thing. It’s amusing to me that I find the whole swinger thing so interesting to HEAR about but not at all interesting to do.
PEEKING THOMAS - Well, we have an interesting relationship.
ME - Yes we do. And it's my nature to want to know things. So do tell more.
PEEKING THOMAS - ~smiles~ Are you a freaky girl?
ME - I am, just not with more than one person at a time. LOL. Did I tell you I have sex workers following me on Twitter?
PEEKING THOMAS - You do, why?
ME - The name, Sins of the Eldest, is how they get there, I imagine. I think they stay because of my POV. I fully support sex workers and the right for everyone to have a good time sexually.
PEEKING THOMAS - I agree. I think it should be legal.
ME - If they’re not hurting me and they’re not hurting anybody else, then I’ve no right to judge.
PEEKING THOMAS - Absolutely.
ME - And there is the whole idea of “sin.” It's a much broader and more interesting topic than just sex. Or morality, for that matter.
THOMAS - So you haven't told me. Are you a freaky girl?
ME - ~laughs~ Well, define freak.
THOMAS - Ya know what I like about things like I had last night? It was real people doing things you would never think they would do. These were chubby professional women, two nurses, an HR person, a teacher, a marketing person, and a business woman, all clean, all in relationships, getting naked making out and fucking because it’s what they want to do.
ME - Cool. Seriously, I like that take on things.
THOMAS - I know, right? I don't want to see some one with fake tits or air brushed. You get these perfect looking women that are lame in the sack.
ME - I like the idea of sexual fun that doesn't require a woman to look perfect. I like that these women went at it like rabbits without worrying about how they looked. Now THAT I'd like to see more of in the world.
THOMAS - Some were worried about how they looked. They wanted the lights turned down.
ME - Low lights: Mother Nature's airbrushing. lol
THOMAS - Alright, I shared. Now you have to tell me something about your sex life or what you want to try some day.
ME - I have no goals, sexually speaking. I have no fantasies I need fulfilled. I am more of a going-along-with-my-man sort of girl.
THOMAS - Why do women always say that?
ME - ~shrugs~ cuz it's true?
THOMAS - Women never have sexual fantasies to share. They just say they never think about it. Come on.
ME - I have fantasies, but they’re just for me. I don't need to see them acted out. In fact, to see that diminishes the experience for me.
THOMAS - Another typical answer. I’m surprised. I did not expect that from you.
ME - I had a swinger once, we fucked for the better part of a year, and I got a lot of ya-ya's out that way.
THOMAS - what are ya-ya’s?
ME - I had some shit to work thru, and sex is a processing tool for me. Given the stuff this swinger wanted to do, I was able (in the privacy of my own little head) fuck out some of the crap I needed to let go of. It was awesome. He didn't need to know.
THOMAS - I’m lost.
ME - The fantasies were just for me. The problem with externalizing fantasies is that once they’re out, they no longer serve their purpose, at least not for me.
THOMAS - Why do women never admit to having a fantasy, but if they do they don't want to share? I find it frustrating and disappointing.
ME - Sorry. Different strokes for different body parts.
THOMAS - Why can't women have a fantasy to live out and a fantasy to keep to them selves?
ME - It's my brain that wants things. And my brain likes privacy.
THOMAS - Honestly, I think it’s a cop out.
ME - You know I love you, but who died and made you God? I mean, what if what women say IS the truth & not a cop out? It's not all about you, this fantasy business.
THOMAS - How is it that men are the only ones who are supposed to come up with fantasies and scenarios and so on. I mean, so women are off the hook because they have to keep everything in their minds?
ME - If a man asked me to share a fantasy with him, I think I could ask him to do certain things while I did my own imagining, have a great time, and AFTER we're both exhausted and he has thoroughly enjoyed me enjoying myself, THEN I might tell him.
THOMAS - You’re putting all the responsibility on the man to keep sex interesting. It’s really unfair and frustrating, and this happens all the time. No matter who the woman is, you get the same response: “If I tell you, it won't be a fantasy any more.”
ME - So, you’re tired of holding up the fantasy world on your little shoulders? Poor thing! ^_~ No, no, I’m serious. Are you?
THOMAS - Yeah.

Dear sweet titillated readers. This is where I’ll stop for the night. Tomorrow brings an exchange between Thomas and me on fantasies, a frank he-said-she-said discussion. It veers into some unexpected territory. Some of you will find it frightening and some will find it fascinating. It begins with this:

ME - Well . . . again, what if it IS true, what women say? Then what does a couple do?

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  1. Gah.

    There is so much more tied up into a woman's sexual fantasies than just sex. I agree with you that a fantasy shared can often lose it's poignancy.

    Some of the most potent sexual fantasies I have ever had might cause anyone else to simply say, "That's it?", but to me, they are what they are.

    Pardon the bluntness, but the right thing said by the right person at the right time can have me cumming just as hard as a session with my vibe.

    It's not about the fantasy as much as it's about the mood.

    Screw (or not) anyone that can't understand why that would be difficult to express, and highly personal and private.


  2. Interesting discussion.

    I've experienced a rather different deal when it comes to fantasies on both sides, at least in BDSM community. There not only are fantasies shared, but negotiated in excruciating detail. (Also, logistics is a bitch.) Haven't had the opportunity to engaged in any orgy action.

    But as for women having detailed fantasies that they like to share. I can definitely say there are many. But maybe it's more of a vanilla divide.

    When it comes to 'Alt' sexuality, I have learned it's a very big tent, with all kinds of different performers and acts, and yes clowns.

    SO will be interested to hear the rest of this. (Though I suspect, going along is within the 'Vanilla' envelope, lolz.