[I] may be crazy but I'm the closest thing I have to a voice of reason.

05 January 2011

Because Thank You Sounds So Much Better Then I Feel Like Crap

17 January 2011
It's been two weeks since I semi-posted this blog. It was a place holder, actually, something I wanted to do but could not follow through on at the time. That description, right there, sums up my entire adult life, at least the last half, which was the half in which I fell ill and finally against all odds began getting well half a dozen years ago. By "getting well" I mean that I began my upward path from damn near catatonic to... better. Truth is, unless I entered a coma, I really had nowhere to go but up. The "something I wanted to do but could not follow through on at the time" that is what my life has been since recovering my health: a desire to move forward, a need to accomplish a few goals, a belief in the possibility that I could be a normal person if only I tried hard enough. By "normal" I mean something simple; like a career in which I am appreciated, maybe not monetarily as well as I deserve, but through the love and respect of my colleagues; a marriage that, while not perfect, includes passion and tenderness and the willingness to care about the effect we have on each other's lives; some fun and some friends, and in this last thing I have succeeded. In the arena of friends, I am truly blessed. When I began this post, two weeks ago, I was feeling my lacks and my losses more keenly than my blessings and so I began this post -- Because Thank You Sounds So Much Better Then I Feel Like Crap -- for much the same reason that I began the blog itself: as a response to my feeling that I was drowning in lack and loss, that I might never finish anything that truly mattered to me.

Tonight, this is all the further I get because the meds are starting to take effect, which means I'll be typing like a drunkard if I try to resist sleep, and sleep is, after all, half of what the meds are intended to give me. So goodnight, dear sweet readers. Sweet dreams.

5 January 2011
- under construction ...WATCH THIS SPACE...

Been looking back on where I started 11 months ago and those who encouraged and praised my early efforts. ....

These are the comments -- all the comments, -- from my first two blog posts. I had expected nothing but received blessings right out of the blue.

... on 17 February, 2010

Big said...
I can identify with this quite a bit (less than 2 years till the ultimate zero for me, 40, 2012, next best hope for the end of the world.)

... developing the discipline, becoming professional. A really good book to reado n this is Stephen Pressfields's the War of Art. He talks about becoming comfortable being uncomfortable. and becoming true profesional. and offers great quote:

Novelist William Faulkner once said, "I only write when I am inspired." But then he added, "Fortunately I am inspired at nine o'clock every morning."

Lori said... http://shesawake.blogspot.com

Routine? Routine? Isn't routine just a really nice way to say 'rut'? Seriously. Screw your horoscope. You may be having a zero birthday, but that doesn't mean that you need to play it safe, does it?

Go forth, be your glorious self.
You do that very, very well.


Jeanne Veillette Bowerman said... http://scriptchat.blogspot.com/p/how-to-chat.html

Babe, CELEBRATE the zeroes! I'm a way better woman at 46 than I ever was at 26. I'm wiser, more confident, and have learned to love every, sick, twisted flaw I have. Own it. Own that ZERO ;)

As for your writing every day goal. Excellent! I applaud it. I also applaud lowering expectations. I read someplace people who live in Switzerland are happiest because they have no expectations. Let's live by that. Hell, maybe THAT is what I'll give up for Lent ;) Great post. Truly enjoyed it. Happy early birthday!

... on 18 February, 2010

Nita said...
I have found over the years that when I thought others had changed it was usually me. My goals, thoughts, what mattered to me changed. Life continues and I cannot change the things I have done in the past, so I choose to move on and hope the future is better.

windowtotheworld said...
speechless, once more.

Coffeenuts said... http://coffeenuts-iam.blogspot.com/

Last night we had my folks out for dinner and I showed mom your Blog to give her a feel for all the additional posts you have made since your 'My Zero Birthday' excerpt. Longer story short, she hopes to read more of your blog in the future via my fathers computer.

As I've told you not long ago Dina, I myself am not a prolific reader so to the extent my 2-cents worth of comments will be of any use to you will likely be slim to none. However that said, your Blog has sparked a new interest in me previously thought to be non-existent...I do enjoy reading your Blog.